...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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