just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
