I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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