That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
