took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
