marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
