i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
