i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
