So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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