I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
