Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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