worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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