Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
