If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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