I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
