dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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