you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
