I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
