May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
