In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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