Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
