im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
