I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
