At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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