You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
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