i would punch a child for taco bell
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
