i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
