You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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