pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
