Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
