cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
