either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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