I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
