We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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