we're chasing vodka with high fives
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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