Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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