4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
