Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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