i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
