Your tits are I can't wait for
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
