but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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