no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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