even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
