Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
