I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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