put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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