woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
