eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
