Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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