I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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