Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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