You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
